I'm pretty!

I went to a Mandarin restaurant the other night named Venus (great General Tso's Chicken, by the way), and was told by my fortune cookie that "Rarely do great beauty and great virtue dwell together as they do in you."

I had a couple problems with that, so here's a short open letter to the manufacturer of said fortune cookie:

First of all, that's not a fortune. Secondly, I appreciate the kind words, Mr. Cookie, but "beauty" is a word that I like to avoid in describing myself. Maybe "dashing good looks." Or better yet, have a bin of "male fortune cookies" and "female fortune cookies." And for God's sake, don't call them "fortune" cookies if you're just going to use them to spout empty compliments at me. I'm not won over that easily!

Thank you,
Timothy Dowling

Yes, I'm aware that I began the letter without stating a context. They don't need a context; they know what they did.