October 2008 Archives

Yeah, I said "yowza." And yesss, I found this story while voluntarily reading foxnews.com. Don't get me wrong, I still rely entirely Comedy Central to give me all my news and analysis. Comedy Central can be fair or balanced, and I like that they keep it simple by shooting for only one at a time. I'd say that when it comes to news reporting, "fair and unbalanced" and "balanced and unfair" each have their own special merits.

Remember when Jon Stewart was interviewed by Bill O'Reilly, and Bill kept referring to the Daily Show audience as stoned slackers? That was fun.

Guess what? I'm going to talk about my life for a couple minutes! But later I will talk about other stuff. Sorry, you'll have to take both. That's just how I roll.

So, the last couple of weeks were filled with some ups and downs...

Two work weeks in a row were only four days long; that's good! But I had to jam five days of work into four days; that's bad. I got to see Michelle in Boston and have the best time ever; that's good!!! But I had to leave on Monday in order to go back to work on Tuesday; that's bad. I got free food to bring back with me; that's good! Some of the food contained potassium benzoate. That's bad. Overall, I definitely netted in the positive. And that's good.

It was so perfectly wonderful to see Michelle, and we were lucky enough to have weather that allowed us to go just about everywhere without driving. And if you're familiar with Boston, you know that's a very desirable thing. Boston's train system, the "T," was like a weird alternate reality version of Chicago's "L." It was organized, clean, quiet, and it didn't smell like pee. These are qualities that I usually look for in my choices for transportation.

In short, the weekend was filled with aquatic animals, dead revolutionaries, fried and chowdered clams, suspiciously delicious Brazilian food, invigoratingly dangerous traffic circles, and kitchen collaborations over french toast. How can you possibly improve on that? Maybe with chocolate syrup on the french toast, but that's all I can come up with. 

Ohhhh, I want to write more, but I'm getting too tired to concentrate. I'm going to hit "publish," but maybe I'll put in an addendum later. Yes, let's do that. Good night.

Wait...hold on a second. Someone else is trying to talk to me...

What's that you say? This terrorist guy isn't Obama's best buddy in the whole wide world? The two just sat in the same rooms together in the 90s during talks about education and community reform? Obama didn't laugh and joke with him about the destruction of all that the Flag stands for over bottles of imported beer?

Ha! Well, see, that can't be possible! I mean, if Obama wasn't pals with a terrorist, then that means that the McCain campaign is, well, smearing him. And that's just silly. Don't you remember McCain telling us a while back that using smear tactics in politics simply means that you have no substance to run on? Let me tell you, all these character attacks on Obama have to be true because McCain is hardly even talking about the economic crisis. He did say "country first," right? The economy is important, when when you're talking about the welfare of our people, you have to be willing to find balance and compromise. I haven't heard much more than a peep about much else lately, so these facts about Obama's previously-unknown character must be very serious and definitely a top priority! We need to protect America from would-be leaders who have lived near domestic terrorists -- terrorists who run free in the streets of Chicago and teach at radical Islamic universities! What's that place called where Ayers works? UIC? Who even knows what that stands for! And don't get me started about Obama knowingly and actively engaging in education reform and anti-poverty committees with miscreants. Terrorist education reform and anti-poverty committees. So typical.

Be strong, McCain and Palin. Don't listen to all those freedom-hating liberals who accuse you of running a shallow and hypocritical political campaign. Don't listen to those spins about irrelevant associations with husbands who belonged to anti-American Alaskan succession groups. Don't listen to those small minds who choose to ask questions and point out incongruencies! You know what's best for this country, and you know what it means to put country first. You've clearly proved to us: it means that you must win, no matter what!