TimDowling.com

Roly Poll-y

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 20:52:18 -0600

If the results of my poll are any indication, I apparently have three regular readers of my blog. That's not too depressing.

Out of the six voters who shared their views on whether the existence of polls would lead them to visit my site more often, two said that they would stop by more often (you're the real heros!), two think I'm lazy, and two were just looking for the bathroom. I voted for one of the first two choices, but I can't remember which. If you're struggling with the math, this means that of the six voters, two happened to pound randomly on just the right combination of keys, three visited intentionally for some reason, and one was me.

I'm sleepy.

I haven't slept too many hours this week, and I should probably work on that. I will go to sleep earlier tonight, and then maybe I'll be less sleepy! It sounds crazy, but the crazy people are the ones who change the world.

I'm like a mad scientist. I'm also sleepy.

Bill and Jon wax sarcastic

Mon, 17 Nov 2008 19:43:18 -0600

These two need to have a show together. Nay, our country needs it.

Without the audience, though. To be honest, I generally really can't stand the Stewart/Colbert audiences. They come across as like, well, liberal puppets.

You know, I'm going to go out on a limb here. I'm calling it: When The O'Reilly Factor and The Daily Show have run their respective courses, there will come to be The Daily Factor. Or The Daily O'Reilly. Or The Factor Show Daily The. Put your money on that last one.

Part 1:

Part 2:

I got gas

Sat, 08 Nov 2008 10:49:24 -0600

I just filled up my tank for $1.98/gallon. What's going on here?? I mean, I'm not complaining...but this is getting weird.

Best. recession. ever.

I'm posting this from my car. Hi, my name is Tim and I'm a geek.

Yes I can!

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:05:09 -0600

Yes, I can! ...Write a blog entry about something other than current events! I can and I will!

It's true, you know.

First, I will make a statement about future events. (See, I'm sticking with my promise.) Here's a prediction: with a black president, we will start to see steadily increasing numbers of minority-group Republicans. Why? Well, as people feel less disenfranchised, they generally become more conservative. Everyone's saying this is the beginning of the end for the Republican Party, but I say it's just the opposite. I'll check back with y'all in about a dozen years.

And nooo, of course I don't have any citations for my claims. I said it because it makes sense to me. Things that make sense to me are automatically true. Accept it!

(As an aside (and by using the word "aside," this is automatically not an official part of the post and therefore isn't held to the restrictions defined above), how did Proposition 8 pass in California? How did that happen? In that prototypically liberal state? More like a state of confusion, I say (see what I did there??).)

Switching gears, here are some random thoughts that I've made note of in the past couple weeks...

When heard on the radio, Seth Rogan sounds like he is at least 50 years old.
Speaking of radio, I swear that every time I come across a rural pop/rock radio station, it's playing a Savage Garden song.
Chocolate Axe sounds like a horrible idea. I'm assuming that it came into existence via focus groups of women who said that they like chocolate, and then a boardroom of men who determined that women must therefore be sexually attracted to men who smell like chocolate. Next up: buffalo chicken eau de parfum for her.
The mayor of one of the towns near me is a stripper. Yes, a stripper and a mayor. Simultaneously. For real.
Many people hate them (one of my high school English teachers especially seethed over them), but I think that parentheses can serve as wonderful tools in prose. They're like 3-D glasses for written word! (Just make sure you don't wear them where they don't belong, or else you'll look rather silly and you'll probably get a headache.)

Obama

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 22:04:56 -0600

When was the last time that we've been able to watch people all around the country dance in the streets? Masses of genuinely happy and hopeful people? And it wasn't involving a sports team?

Whether you like Obama or not, you gotta admit that America's really been injected with something.

I'm watching a political analyst hold back tears on TV.

I know myself!

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 21:46:00 -0600

I took the "World's Smallest Political Quiz" today! It's supposed to be accurate and stuff.

I'm a left-leaning Centrist. Yup, that sounds about right. And it looks like I'm slightly more Libertarian than Statist. What's that...top-leaning?

So, how did everyone else line up?

How come no one ever endorses me?

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 23:45:04 -0600

So the news on Friday was that the Chicago Tribune has endorsed Obama for president. This is the first time that they've ever endorsed a Democrat, and only the third time that they've endorsed a non-Republican (Teddy "rough rider" Roosevelt was the last one in 1912). It looks like the Los Angeles Times threw their endorsement in too, and the last candidate that they officially gave a thumbs-up to was Nixon. Yowza. Who's next, the National Review? The world's gone topsy-turvy!

Yeah, I said "yowza." And yesss, I found this story while voluntarily reading foxnews.com. Don't get me wrong, I still rely entirely Comedy Central to give me all my news and analysis. Comedy Central can be fair or balanced, and I like that they keep it simple by shooting for only one at a time. I'd say that when it comes to news reporting, "fair and unbalanced" and "balanced and unfair" each have their own special merits.

Remember when Jon Stewart was interviewed by Bill O'Reilly, and Bill kept referring to the Daily Show audience as stoned slackers? That was fun.

Another blog entry!

Fri, 17 Oct 2008 19:48:28 -0600

Guess what? I'm going to talk about my life for a couple minutes! But later I will talk about other stuff. Sorry, you'll have to take both. That's just how I roll.

So, the last couple of weeks were filled with some ups and downs...

Two work weeks in a row were only four days long; that's good! But I had to jam five days of work into four days; that's bad. I got to see Michelle in Boston and have the best time ever; that's good!!! But I had to leave on Monday in order to go back to work on Tuesday; that's bad. I got free food to bring back with me; that's good! Some of the food contained potassium benzoate. That's bad. Overall, I definitely netted in the positive. And that's good.

It was so perfectly wonderful to see Michelle, and we were lucky enough to have weather that allowed us to go just about everywhere without driving. And if you're familiar with Boston, you know that's a very desirable thing. Boston's train system, the "T," was like a weird alternate reality version of Chicago's "L." It was organized, clean, quiet, and it didn't smell like pee. These are qualities that I usually look for in my choices for transportation.

In short, the weekend was filled with aquatic animals, dead revolutionaries, fried and chowdered clams, suspiciously delicious Brazilian food, invigoratingly dangerous traffic circles, and kitchen collaborations over french toast. How can you possibly improve on that? Maybe with chocolate syrup on the french toast, but that's all I can come up with.

Ohhhh, I want to write more, but I'm getting too tired to concentrate. I'm going to hit "publish," but maybe I'll put in an addendum later. Yes, let's do that. Good night.

Shakespeare and current events

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 00:35:25 -0600

Okay, before I go to bed, I present to you yet another video. This one is mostly for Michelle, though. It's perfect material for a paper! You can thank me later when I'm the reason that you aced that Shakespeare class of yours.

So says a concerned American...

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 19:08:50 -0600

Oh John McCain, you sneaky fellow, you! Just when we thought that you exhausted everything from your bag o' 100% truths, you throw yet another one at us! So what's going on with this Obama-Ayers connection that our friend Sarah brought up the other day? Why in the world would Barack Hussein Obama II pal around with a terrorist who tried to bomb the Pentagon in the 60s? How did we not know about this before?? Those sneaky Democrats managed to keep this hidden for all this time! Clearly, this is a crucial piece of the puzzle in finally pinning down the true dark identity of the mysterious fellow who's trying to sneak into the White House to destroy it from the inside. With only 30 or so days left, this discovery came just in the nick of time!

Wait...hold on a second. Someone else is trying to talk to me...

What's that you say? This terrorist guy isn't Obama's best buddy in the whole wide world? The two just sat in the same rooms together in the 90s during talks about education and community reform? Obama didn't laugh and joke with him about the destruction of all that the Flag stands for over bottles of imported beer?

Ha! Well, see, that can't be possible! I mean, if Obama wasn't pals with a terrorist, then that means that the McCain campaign is, well, smearing him. And that's just silly. Don't you remember McCain telling us a while back that using smear tactics in politics simply means that you have no substance to run on? Let me tell you, all these character attacks on Obama have to be true because McCain is hardly even talking about the economic crisis. He did say "country first," right? The economy is important, when when you're talking about the welfare of our people, you have to be willing to find balance and compromise. I haven't heard much more than a peep about much else lately, so these facts about Obama's previously-unknown character must be very serious and definitely a top priority! We need to protect America from would-be leaders who have lived near domestic terrorists -- terrorists who run free in the streets of Chicago and teach at radical Islamic universities! What's that place called where Ayers works? UIC? Who even knows what that stands for! And don't get me started about Obama knowingly and actively engaging in education reform and anti-poverty committees with miscreants. Terrorist education reform and anti-poverty committees. So typical.

Be strong, McCain and Palin. Don't listen to all those freedom-hating liberals who accuse you of running a shallow and hypocritical political campaign. Don't listen to those spins about irrelevant associations with husbands who belonged to anti-American Alaskan succession groups. Don't listen to those small minds who choose to ask questions and point out incongruencies! You know what's best for this country, and you know what it means to put country first. You've clearly proved to us: it means that you must win, no matter what!

Just call me Mr. Videolinker

Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:55:28 -0600

I suppose I'm a little late in reflecting on the passing of another 9/11, but I was just brought back to it in rediscovering Jon Stewart's first show after the attacks, September 20, 2001. There were some truly excellent tributes aired by members of the entertainment industry after normal television broadcasts resumed, but this one really affected me. It still does.

It can be easy to forget about the emotions that we all went through after the attacks. And given the current state of affairs, it can be entirely too easy to forget how the country came together in complete and total solidarity. Oh I know, we never really forget the memories of events and the memories of emotions; it seems, however, that over time memories begin to blur. We know those memories are there, we know what happened, and certainly we know what we felt. Oh we clearly see the scene depicted in the painting hanging on the respective walls of our minds -- but the minute details that once gave that painting a soul have slowly eroded away.

Seeing how quickly and fluidly people come together in the face of adversity, and then how easily they disintegrate in the name of avoiding adversity, what exactly is said about the nature of humanity? What is going on with this species of ours?

Well, I guess I got a little bluuue tonight. I promise: next post, guaranteed wackiness!!

A fine example

Sun, 14 Sep 2008 09:59:13 -0600

A priest from St. John's Catholic Church at the University of Illinois was arrested this week for drug dealing. They haven't gone through trial yet, but the informant, who reported snorting cocaine with him on 40-50 different occasions, has apparently been very reliable up to this point. This church, which is a bit socially conservative (I remember an incident during the 2000 elections when the congregation was told during a homily that those voting for Al Gore were not welcome because they supported baby-killing), surely is having a heck of a time figuring out how to throw this hand grenade as far away from themselves as possible.

I wonder if he'll be able to keep his job as the Introduction to Religion instructor at the local community college.

Musical doodoo jokes are the best

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:54:10 -0600

Oh Tim, you lazy blogger, you.

I love the show Scrubs. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Michelle hates it, and I can't even tell you how much that tears me up inside. Anyway, the other day I caught an episode that was done entirely in the form of a musical. I guess that I had heard about it before, but I've never actually seen it.

Pure brilliance.

Who else has ever been able to so beautifully and educationally adapt the topic of poop into an orchestration of melodic art?

Shamalamadingdong

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 19:19:59 -0600

FINE, I'LL POST SOMETHING! JEEZ!

My brain can't compose a good blog entry right now, but to hold you over, here are two videos that gave my diaphragm a good workout. If you see a commercial first, go get a drink of water and come back. These "official" video biographies of Obama and McCain are quite worth it.

Geography

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 22:14:50 -0600

Michelle is moving to Boston in less than a few weeks. That is not good. Well, selfishly not good for me, at least. It's a Good Thing that she's going to grad school because becoming a professor to teach something that you love is an accomplishment that 99.9% of people can only dream of doing. 'Tis quite the bitter-sweet scenario indeed.

But I'm not here today to talk about my emotional selfishness. No, I'm here to talk about metropolitan areas. Michelle and I have both lived our entire lives in Illinois, with our formative years taking place in and/or around Chicago. As a reminder of what the Chicago area is like, take a quick glance at the map below.

Now let's examine the Boston area. Move your mouse on top of the picture of Chicago and study the differences for a moment. (If the picture doesn't change when you move the mouse pointer over it, your computer is broken.)

I'll wait. Mouse on, mouse off, mouse on, mouse off.

Look at Chicago, all nice and ordered. Numbered streets; intersections that look like nice clean "plus" signs; maybe a few diagonal roads for convenience reasons. Then you have Boston. It's like someone took a normal organized city and ran it in a taffy pulling machine for about 30 seconds only to realize all too late that cities are not made of taffy. Clearly, Boston was laid out by blindfolded drunk people riding in ramshackle carts pulled by crippled yaks. Any city in which a halfway intelligent person can get thoroughly lost while using a GPS (I proudly being halfway intelligent) is a city that needs to just be leveled down and given a second try. New England, it's time to cut your losses and start taking some urban planning cues from the Midwest. I expect a full proposal on my desk by 10:00 tomorrow morning.